Why teenagers are drawn towards online friends ?

Why teenagers are drawn towards online friends ?

Most teenagers are now exposed to people worldwide which uncovers the whole wide world of different cultures, lifestyles, ideologies and various day-to-day practices.

Is it good or bad?

Not sure, until you find your teen getting absorbed by the online world of friends and detesting the real physical world.

I asked a few teenagers about their increased interest in online friendship and they gave the following reasons for their attractions towards friends on the internet –

1. Most people online share similar interests and we don’t have to do any formalities. It is more comfortable and there is no pressure of how we are looking, what we are wearing etc.

2. We can disconnect from the conversation and leave the chat room as and when we feel like.

3. Our body is at ease, we are not feeling the pressure to be in a certain way all the time.

Online friends, Stay online ! 

4. The real life conversation becomes too stretched, mundane and meaningless. In online conversations, we stick to what we need and we close it once the matter is closed but with an offline conversation, we have to tolerate things that we can easily avoid in an online conversation. Eg, “If an online friend is saying something, in which one is not interested then one can easily go on to a new tab and do the stuff one likes while nodding or sending a few “hmm…okay…ya…” kind of messages. This behaviour is considered rude in a face to face conversation and we get to hear long lectures from family and others.

5. Offline friends are fine. We help each other with the homework part and exchange academic notes and that’s about it. We find online people more mature unlike offline classmates who are very childlike.

The world of the internet may seem all perfect. There is less responsibility. No one has any expectations of you and you may control the discussion as per your comfort.

1. Romantic – Most teenagers would find people from different schools or colleges as more appealing than the people they meet face to face. Online partners appear more attractive as they show the best side of themselves which is again a portrayal of their ideal self. A young teenager who suddenly starts to receive compliments and likes and admiration from so many strangers begins to feel that the online world is more comforting than the offline world where they face certain unpleasant interactions in the form of mean looks, mocking (largely based on preconceived notions stemming from low self-worth), judgmental comments etc. In an online platform what is being presented is all through a filter and hence teenagers like to give shape to their dream like love stories behind those masks and filters.

2. Gaming – Most teenagers are spending a lot of time either on social media sites or on gaming sites. Therefore, this has become their usual spot for socialization. Gaming platforms allow them to show their gaming skills, flaunt expensive gaming accessories to gain admiration and acceptance from their peers. Most of the teenagers would also mention that they have formed better friendships with their offline peers on a gaming platform. It is difficult to understand how much of real life they talk about as most of their conversation is about the latest gaming consoles, ranks in a game, showing off their gaming room and live streaming.

3. Confidants – At home, teenagers start with the ‘shutting the room’ syndrome and they begin to isolate themselves from the others. This happens because they begin to feel as if they are different from the others. Their feelings, ideas, thoughts and how they wish to lead their life are all different and no one in their physical world would understand it the way people online do. Online friends seem to be non-judgmental and encouraging of their ideas. This is not a coincidence! Sharing these feelings online doesn’t demand much physical effort. The comfort and identification with each other are so strong that the trust begins to build stronger with each interaction made online. They find a sense of belongingness and acceptance. What the teens don’t realize is that there is a high possibility that this person whom they met online could be just mirroring their emotions and not empathizing with them. That person might be just agreeing to everything they share and unknowingly giving them approval for who they are. As most of these friendships are based on weaker foundations, sometimes these online friendships dissolve abruptly, leaving the teen feeling empty, lonely and abandoned.

4. Activists – As most teenagers are in a stage of forming new identities, they think of ways to change the world’s problems or at least talk about them on the internet by sharing posts and showing support for the cause. This gives them some purpose in life. They start to find people in the real world doing all the bad things and people online are all good as they are supporting the cause with just one click on their mousepad.

5. Celebrities/Followers – Teens follow influencers and get deeply influenced by the lives of these YouTubers and famous personalities. These influencers become the focus of the teens’ mind. Sometimes they are mocked by their family and offline friends about their online crushes and whom they follow on social media. Teens take these influencers so seriously that it impacts their lives drastically. They may become quiet, cry silently if their influencer is in some kind of trouble, obsessively daydream about these personalities and sometimes even harm themselves physically to show the extent they are impacted by their influencer.

There is one thing in common in all these 5 types of friendships which highlights the human need for acceptance and wherever our teens find “acceptance” they get attracted to that platform.

So what is exactly happening in the real world that is pushing the teens to seek comfort online? Is the real world really bad and challenging in comparison to the online world? Are teens facing more self-esteem and low confidence related issues that they find it easy to resort to online mediums for warmth and love? Or are we pushing them towards the online world as we don’t have much time to spend with our young teenagers?